If you’re going to think and be depressed, you might as well do it with pie, right?

I know you feel raw, and I know the pack is begging for swift retribution. But you must remember that you are taoiseach, not them. You’re the leader, and they are to follow what you decide, not the other way around. Don’t let your emotions sway you. The pack doesn’t need you armed with a torch and pitchfork screaming for vengeance.

On top of all that, you’re naked. And while I’m going to hate myself for this later, could you put on some clothes? At least just for a little while, so I can think. Then you can go right back to being naked. All the time. With my full blessing.

No wonder I’d always felt lost. I actually was. The knowledge felt terrible, but in a strange way, it also felt good. Now I knew why I’d never connected to anything. Why I felt like I was outside the world around me, moving at a different speed from everyone else. That amputated piece of me explained everything, even why I’d failed at college. But that kind of blanket excuse can be dangerous. Crutches usually are.

Now simply wasn’t the time to stray from comfortable paths. I also didn’t want any first-kiss kind of stories to involve the phrase “a few feet from a fresh corpse.” I’m particular that way.

I tried to take some pride where I could. If I was going to be a dropout loser, then I was going to be the best dropout loser.

She whistled when she noticed my back. I assume because of my injuries. I mean, my ass just isn’t that spectacular.

I, for one, approve of Lock’s new mom car. Obviously I wouldn’t be caught dead owning one myself, but I like that we can transport a body and have enough cup holders for all of us.

Minion looked into the fragile belly of the duck for the third time. ‘It’s still not here, Master.’ He shook his head in a slow, confused fashion. ‘Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.

So, you’re telling me the zoo commissioned you to make a zombie panda in order to avoid a potential international incident.